The Almost Kiss Story
by TartanLioness
Summary: Which is worse? 'I wish I had...' or 'If only I hadn't...?
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Almost Kiss Story

Author: Tartan Lioness

Classification: Romance

Set: post OotP

Summary: Which is worse? 'If only I had…' or 'I wish I hadn't…'?

Warning: If you don't like old people falling in love, **read no further!**

Disclaimer: All I own is the plot. I have no money so please don't sue me!

A/N: Hiya everybody! I'm back! yay! Thank you to my beta, Lily!

The owls flew over the heads of the many students in the Great Hall at breakfast. Many different colors and races. At the Gryffindor Table Minerva McGonagall and Rolanda Hooch were lively discussing Albus Dumbledore and the girls who had crushes on him. And those were many. Almost all the girls from their year had had a crush on the popular Professor. Even Rolanda had. She had just pointed out that it was obvious that Minerva felt something for him, she did after all work even harder in his classes, she was after all the best student in the entire school and Minerva had just countered with the fact that she loved Transfiguration, not the Professor, when their discussion was interupted when a big, black owl landed in front of Minerva. She looked startled. Never had she seen a black owl and she was certainly not expecting any letters. Even the small roll of parchment, which was bound to the owl's leg was black. Minerva frowned. Rolanda looked surprised at the black owl. With a quick glance at Rolanda, Minerva took the parchment from the owl. As she unrolled the parchment she got a sinking feeling. The black owl, the black parchment, it told her that something bad had happened. And she could almost guess what. Her parents were very engaged in the fight against Grindelwald, as were all her elder siblings. Three brothers and two sisters and then Minerva as the youngest. With the parchment half unrolled she stopped. She took a deep breath, calmed herself and then braced herself against what she knew would probably be written in the letter.

'Miss Minerva Grace McGonagall,

It is our unfortunate duty to inform you that your parents, Athena and Jonathan McGonagall, and your siblings, Gaira, Caitriona, John, Ares and Donel McGonagall, were killed this morning. Grindelwald himself went after them…'

Minerva didn't read further. She rose and ran out of the Great Hall, not noticing the looks she got from the other students. They had never seen the calm, collected, spot-less young woman so out of sorts. They curiously looked after her.

Minerva ran, she didn't know where but she ran. She ran until she couldn't run anymore, then she sunk down on the grass and sobbed. She didn't know how long she lied there, crying harder than she ever had but at some point she felt a strong, warm hand strike her hair, which had come out of it's thick, black braid after her wild flee. Strong arms lifted her off of the ground and she burried her face in the hollow of a neck. She instantly recognized the scent of the man who held her. Lemon and chocolate. Albus Dumbledore of course. Her favorite teacher. He never said a word, simply held her until she didn't have any more tears left.

When her sobbing stopped and her breath calmed, Albus pulled away slightly. He still didn't say a word but his eyes spoke the question: what happened?

"I – I got this, Professor," Minerva said, she didn't feel strong enough to tell him what the letter, which was still in her hand, said. Silently he took the black piece of parchment. His eyes widened as he read the letter from the Ministry. He pulled her into a tight hug again. "Oh, Minerva," he said, calling her by her given name for the first time, "I'm so sorry." Minerva just clung to him, feeling more helpless than ever. There had always been someone to turn to but Grindelwald's followers had killed her entire family. At first it had been aunts, uncles and cousins. Then they had killed her grandparents. And now Grindelwald himself had annihilated her remaining family; her parents and her beloved siblings. She had known that her closest family were fighting against Grindelwald and his followers, her parents were both Aurors and so were her oldest siblings, the twins Caitriona and Ares. She was alone. She had always tried very hard not to be alone, because she knew what loneliness could do to a human being. But now… now she was very alone. She was orphanaged, she had no siblings, no aunts or uncles, no cousins, no nothing. She was alone.

Neither Albus nor Minerva knew how long they sat there, crying. Yes, Albus was crying too. Him and Athena, Minerva's mother, had been best friends when they were children, even though he was quite a few years older than her. He had given her away at her wedding to Jonathan McGonagall. He had respected Jonathan McGonagall very much and before long they had become friends too. But finally Albus rose and offered Minerva a hand to help her up. They had been very close as they sat together but they had not noticed it. But suddenly, as Albus pulled Minerva to her feet, they were so close. He noticed small golden specks in her emerald eyes and she was suddenly very aware of the power and tenderness in his clear, warm, twinkling, blue eyes. She all of sudden realized why so many seventh year girls had crushes on him. He suddenly saw past the sensitive, spot-less student and understood why she made so many boys turn their heads when she walked by. And he was so close. And she was so close. Her hands were still in his. Tenderly he pulled her closer and he lowered his head as she stood on her toes and turned her head upwards to meet his lips. Alarmclocks went off in both of their heads but they ignored them. Until they were merely a breath away from each other. Then Albus hoarsely said, "This is a mistake." And pulled away. Minerva blinked and collected herself before she answered, "Yes, Professor." Then she walked away.

That night when Albus was lying in his bed he berated himself for being so stupid. 'She was crying and vulnerable and she needed someone to comfort her, someone who'd not complicate things with questions, and then you go on and almost kiss her! You've never done anything like that! You've never thought of her as anything other than a student or perhaps the youngest daughter of some of your best friends. She's eighty years your junior! She must be terrified! She must think I'm an old pervert… Oh, Merlin… what have I done? Why did I have to complicate it? I was supposed to make it easier for her!' But no matter how hard he tried, he could not forget the look of anticipation on her face as he lowered his face to hers. He could not forget the small golden specks in her eyes. Her pointy, narrow nose and her cheeks, pinkish from her tears. 'Her tears, exactly! She was vulnerable and you took advantage of it!' He had her face memorised and he'd never forget how she looked.

The next few weeks were quite uncomfortable between them but at last they settled into their old rhythm. With one very big change; they became friends. They played chess and talked once every week and that helped Minerva with dealing with the loss of her entire family. She had never received a black owl when her aunts and uncles had been murdered but since she was the closest family, the only family at all, left she got to receive the black owl from the Ministry. Even with the war she had never been told of them but Albus told her of the tradition behind them when she asked. Until the day Minerva graduated they continued to play chess and talk about things that touched them in that particular moment. For example the war, books, Transfiguration and of course still the death of Minerva's family. Albus knew that the only reason she was still alive was because she had not been with her family in France but had stayed at Hogwarts to study. He knew that Grindelwald would someday come after her if he didn't do anything. So one night, one week before she would graduate from Hogwarts he asked her something.

"Miss McGonagall?" They had without words agreed that it would probably be best if they stuck to the formalities.

"Yes, Professor?"

"I have been thinking about something… you graduate in a week and I thought that you might want to stay here for a while…"

"Stay? How?"

"As my assistant. You'd see how we teach and you'd help with grading essays. You did, efter all, mention that you think you'd like to become a teacher once, after you have tried your luck at being an Auror like your… parents."

"You'd give me such a chance?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any idea how much that means to me?"

"Is that a yes?" Albus grinned.

"Yes, Professor, it is!"

Minerva stayed for over a year as his Teaching Assistant. Then Albus told her that she'd have to teach for a few months without him. No one knew what he wanted to do but he left in February 1945 and when he came back in May he had defeated Grindelwald. No one knew what had happened, only that he had gone looking for the Dark Wizard and that he had been challenged to a duel, man against man (and his followers). And he had won. When Albus Dumbledore returned to Hogwarts he was a famous man and he could hardly step a foot outside the castle without being assaulted by women. The crushes many girls had had on the charming professor now multiplied. And on top of it all, Minerva left. She felt like she was ready for trying out as an Auror. Even though she had decided that she might change her mind later and become a teacher. Teaching was very exciting even though she had had to show a few Slytherin seventh year boys who were the students and who was the teacher.

And so she left. And came back years later when Albus was made Headmaster.

0000000

Professor Minerva McGonagall was tired. She was tired and she felt older than she ever had. Those blasted Stunners had ruined her sleep. Her scars hurt and she constantly had nightmares. For thirty-nine years she had been a teacher and she never grew tired of it. She had loved her life, she had been content with what she had, her wonderful job, her place at Albus' side as his Deputy and his friend. But she had known for a long time that she wanted so much more from Albus than friendship but she had never dared to tell him. It had started that night so many years ago when they almost kissed. That almost kiss had haunted her ever since. It had her craving him and his love, even though she knew she wouldn't ever have it. And, she had always thought, life was long… she'd have plenty of time to tell him once the wars were over. But now… now she had had an encounter with death and she didn't like it.

For some reason (it wasn't even clear to her why) she was walking around on the grounds of Hogwarts in the pouring rain, getting soaked. Then, she made her way inside and headed straight for his chambers. She knew the way so well, she could have walked there while she was sleeping.

Speaking the password, she silently made her way to his office. Then to the door into his private chambers. She knocked. Then she realized how late it was and was about to turn and walk away when the door was opened.  
"Minerva!" Albus sounded surprised,

"I'm sorry, Albus did I wake you up? I probably did, I'll come back tomorrow."

"No, no, my dear, I wasn't yet asleep. I'm sure that if you're here at this time it must be of some impor… Min! You're soaked!" Minerva gave him a little smile.

"I know." Albus grabbed a warm blanket and wrapped it around her. Then he sat her down in a chair and sat down in the chairn opposite her.

"Now, Minerva, what is the matter?"

"Albus… I don't know where to begin." She put her head in her hands. She really didn't know why she was there, only that she had needed to be near him.

"How about at the beginning?"

"Right. Well, as you know, Umbridge attacked me with those Stunners a few months ago…" Albus clenched his fists at this. Oh yeah… he remembered! "… it made me think, Albus."

"About what?"

"Life… death… chances taken, chances not taken… One in particular… Albus? Which do you think it worse? 'I wish I had done that' or 'if only I hadn't done that'?" Albus frowned. He couldn't see where this was going.

"I don't know… I honestly don't know…"

"I find that regretting not doing something is far worse than regretting doing something."

"Minerva, what is it you want to say?"

"Do you ever think about it, Albus? About that near kiss in my seventh year?"

"Sometimes," Albus answered. It wasn't quite true. He thought about it almost every day.

"I do, Albus, and every time I do, I think one thing; 'I wish I had…' and that, I think, is a lot more tragic than the other."

"You regret not kissing?"

"I know it would have been wrong, Albus, but at least I would have known… what it was like… to be kissed by you…" She looked down.

"You wanted to know?"

"At that moment? Yes, I wanted it more than anything…"

"I just couldn't, Minerva… You were so vulnerable… I already thought that you'd despise me for doing what I did."

"Never. I'd never despise you."

"What about now?"

"Now?"

"Do you still … wonder … what it would be like?"

"I… yes, sometimes, I do… quite often actually…"

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

At that Albus didn't waste another second. He stepped right up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist and gently kissed her lips. It was only a short kiss but when he pulled back he had lost his breath. Minerva's eyes were closed and she softly sighed. He kissed her again and this time he didn't pull back immediately. His tongue begged for entrance to her warm mouth and she granted it willingly. She snaked her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her, battling his tongue with her own. Albus gently nibbled on her lower lip and proceded to place kisses all the way up her lawline. Finally, with a last kiss on her lips, he pulled back again, leaving Minerva with closed eyes and a contended smile.

"Well," she said after a while, "I can't determine whether or not 'I wish I hadn't' feels better than 'if only I had…'"

"No?"

"No. Because this is definitely not something I regret. Thank you for putting my mind at ease, Albus." She turned to leave, pretty sure that Albus would like to go to bed.

"Don't." She turned back.

"Why not?"

"Minerva… ever since that almost kiss I have wondered about it too. I have seen you at your worst… at your best… at your bravest… at your weakest… I've seen all of you and…" He stopped.

"And?" Minerva prompted when he didn't look like he'd continue.

"And… and I fell for you. I fell in love with you. I fell in love with the vulnerable, strong, funny, serious, brave, crying, laughing, frowning, screaming, amazingly beautiful Minerva McGonagall… And I feel guilty about it." Minerva looked shocked.

"Why?"

"I don't know, Minerva. But I did fall… hard and fast… and I know that you…"

"No, Albus," she interupted. "Why do you feel guilty about it?"

"I am many years your senior… I was your teacher… I was your parents' friend…"

"You're a child in spirit… you're the one I trusted the most when I was in my seventh year and up until now… You cared for me even when I was born… I'm sorry… I don't see your point. And besides, don't you think it's _my_ choice whether or not you're too old? Because I have never in any way looked at you and seen an old man. Should I also feel guilty for loving you? I'm many years your junior… I was your student… we're friends… No, I never felt guilty for loving you… but I never believed that you'd love me too," she ended with a smile. Albus was gaping at her.

"You… love me too? Did you just say that or was I dreaming?" She smiled even wider.

"I said it…" She stepped into his arms again.

"Minerva… I put your mind at ease… would you put mine at ease about something?"

"Certainly."

"I was wondering how it would feel to be kissed by you," he teasingly said. Minerva laughed softly and then pressed her lips against his.

THE END!


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